Our Tax Dollars At Work

The other day I was trying to get home from a long day at work when I was highly inconvenienced by some typically annoying traffic. Thinking I could help myself to a faster arrival and to see my dog after the long day, I decided to take a route I had not taken before to see if it would truly get me home faster. I got off on the nearest exit from the cluster-fuck I was in and started to go down a little neighborhood side street. I couldn't see the street sign but I attempted to turn my car left and quickly changed my mind realizing that wasn't the road I thought it was and proceeded to go down the next street. Finally, with the familiar street I had been searching for now in sight, my joy had to be put on pause for there was an unmarked vehicle with hidden blue and red lights reflecting back at me in my rear view mirror. Yes, I was being pulled over. Obliging before he even got out of his car, I reached into my wallet , pulled out my id and while fidgeting for my insurance & registration, I looked up to see the side of a white s.u.v. roaring in to block my car from the front now as well (also with the pretty blue and red flashes of "authority"). I roll down the window to have this oafish man (from the car behind me) walk up to me with an accusatory smirk on his face asking me " So... what's up?" to which I reply while chewing my chewing gum - "Hey. Whats going on? Is something wrong sir ?". He then asked me where I was going and I told him, "home". "Where's home ?", he asked. I said," The place on my id" (he still had not asked for it). I gave him my id which proved that I lived not too far from the persons' front yard where he pulled me over. He then spoke with the younger man who had now gotten out of the vehicle now in front of me and then went to his car with my id to do that "thing" they do while you wait to see if they've met their quota for the month or not (give you a ticket or let you go). As he sits in his car absorbing every ones' tax dollars to stare deep into my drivers license, the younger fellow started attempting to befriend me (the whole good cop bad cop game) asking me where I work. I told him the name of the health insurance giant that I currently work for to which he chums me with small talk and starts asking me the location of my job and my home and why I work the distance I do from where I live and such. He says it looked pretty suspicious that I started to make a turn down that other street but changed my course and went down this one instead. He asked why I did that and I explained to him how I was going to try to see if there was a shortcut to my house down this unfamiliar street I was going to because I knew of its roads' area eventually leading to a shortcut road that I HAD taken before (the one which was now within eye contact from his front seat - not me because his car was in my way). The older one then came walking up and looked at me and asked, " What are you chewing?". Grimaced with my fluorescent green Doublemint gum in between my top and bottom teeth for his curious viewing pleasure, I say "gum". He asked me, "Where did you get this gum from?" - I then looked away from him to reach into my work bag from which I pulled out the packet of gum and held its minty silver- wrapped goodness up to his face so he could see all 14 sticks I had left.*I should have asked him if he wanted some - guess I must have seemed a little rude*. He then told me (still with that arrogant ignorance across his face) that I look really nervous. Now I wanted to say well it's not everyday I get harassed and car-blocked because of being unsure of where I was and changing my mind on which road I went down... and still he hadn't asked for my insurance card or registration,... but I didn't. Then he actually asked me, "Are you sure you're not driving down these streets looking for some dope ?"- He may have said "selling" but I don't remember. Laughing at his question, I replied "No - and you can search my car if you want to". He snarled and said, "Alright , then you won't mind if I have you step out of the car then". With great fervor, officer Confident was certain he was about to stumble across some "dope" somewhere in the seats or possibly hidden in the rosary hanging from my rear view mirror or in the clear plastic casing of my work badge photo id... or maybe the Gasparilla parade beads in the passenger seat. *Funny thing is that anyone who knows me knows that truthfully I wouldn't even know what dope looks like*. So now with his big self on his knees in my little beat up 1997 coupes' front seat, I'm just standing on the street with my new friend, Chummy Chatterbox while he's asking me more questions from that lil' smart space up in his noggin. He said," So... is (insert the name of one of the largest health care companies in America) a health care company -and do y'all get free health care or something?". Obviously my judgement on his appearance was wrong. On the outside, "Friendly" seemed as if he was really a likable intelligent guy (I'm talking about - behind the little act of "I'm your best friend so you will confess to me that you are doing what we are accusing you of" thing he was really sucking at. He smiled and looked at me and said," What? I don't know.. I don't watch TV much"- (or something to that nature). I suppose I respected him for his efforts at trying to backpedal and still maintain his dignity - because I swallowed my judgement and then just answered him "no" and proceeded to tell him the truth about my health care plan and how I hoped that with Obama as president, that we'd see an affordable health care system in our near futures. By this time, officer Confident had blossomed into officer "PROVEN THAT HE FUCKING COULDN'T HAVE BEEN FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH" with his really, really, really bad excuse for probable cause. His reasoning was that I changed my mind on turning down a certain road and instead going down the next one over. He got out of my car with a smirk on his face, looked at his friend and asked, "Did I hear the name Obama?" Pally boy said, "Yeah!"- then, officer ProvenWrong said .."Communism!" and with a chip on his shoulder (it seemed) he walked to his car after giving me my license. The other guy blocking the front of my car got in his car and I turned around to the back of officer Proven Very Wrong and asked (knowing that I hadn't), "Hey , did I give you my insurance or registra...?" and before I could even finish my sentence while he went a-stomping to his car, he quickly answered "NOPE!". Then the nice one said, be careful going home. I said, "Well Ok, and I'll make sure never to drive down these roads again - wouldn't want something like this to happen again" and got in may car and drove on to my house. Needless to type (yet -yes I'm typing it) - That my friends, by far, was DEFINITELY NOT a shortcut. Meanwhile, while these bozo's were harassing me and wasting all of our time, some idiot was probably committing a crime and got away with it because of stupid people and their really bad typecasting. Even my friends in law enforcement laughed at this. Nice going guys. Hope you find the real criminal you were looking for. Thanks for taking a moment out of my life that I'll never get back. I could have been chilling with my puppy instead of obliging to your pointless, time wasting (and rather insulting) fiasco. Again, thanks guys.

Mr. Movie Announcer

OK. Maybe this is a little hateful but I have to vent this if I vent about anything at all. I absolutely cannot stand the uber-over dramatic voice of the movie announcer guy. His repulsive, way-over-enthused voice literally makes me cringe. I can be watching a really good preview and then his stupid fake sounding, annoying voice will try to sell me (the viewer) the emotion of the movies' intent and I instantly think to myself "oh never mind... this movie will probably suck". To me, it takes away from the uniqueness of whatever the film will be about and let's me know that it is just another unoriginal movie. It's basically a turn off if his voice is used and sometimes will make me decide whether or not I go see that movie. Why not get a female voice? World, It's time for a new voice! He is tired. I have an idea! Why don't they just record his highly obnoxious, over dramatic announcements (because they all sound the same anyway)? This way you're not paying him over and over for the same material and you can just press play when the next movie comes out because his dramatic try-to-persuade-you-to believe-that-its-more-special-than-the-last-movie-you've-seen words never change anyway. New voice guys! New voice! Please!